So, you made a mistake. You gave a porny presentation at a technology conference, or you made a sexist blog post, or you organized a conference with 0.00% female speakers. And, you got called out on it. What can you do?
Don't dig any deeper
- You may feel unfairly singled out or that critics are overreacting. There's a temptation to be dismissive or defensive; avoid that temptation.
- Take some time to think about the responses and make some conclusions. Speak in haste, regret in leisure, as they say. If you feel the need to address a controversy immediately, a simple, "I'm reviewing comments now and will have a statement in a few days" can be fine.
- Ask your friends and allies privately not to fuel the flames: they will naturally be inclined to vigorously defend you, possibly stating positions or attributing motives to you in ways that you will not like or that will make everything worse.
- Respectfully ask the opinions of a few people you trust. Try not to bias this group towards people who you think will agree that you did the right thing. Note that female friends, in particular, will be put in a hard place, as they don't necessarily know that you're inclined to take their opinions on feminism seriously. It may help if you acknowledge that you're inclined to take the criticism seriously. Don't badger someone to help you out and if you're emotionally upset, turn to the relationships you would normally turn to for emotional support.